Burton Leonard v Sharow
- As the cliché goes, this was a match which we could not afford to lose. Sharow were just below us in the table and needed for this (and other historical reasons) to be kept in their place.
- This was a gripping match with the crowd (two people and a dog called Charlie) on the edge of their seats from the start – mainly because they were still wet from recent rain.
- Removal of the covers revealed an excellent dry strip which, according to the unsuccessful batsmen (see below), played at a deceptively-slow pace. However, when we bowled, it played fast and true. When challenged, these batsmen changed their account – now suggesting that the opposition had ‘bowled slower’ (implying that it was a form of cheating).
- After the usual pre-match problems were overcome - Skipper is still worried about the shortage of 1’s for the scoreboard (which he is inclined to blame on the Chairman) whilst a ladder in Dan’s tights (or ‘skins’ as he understandably prefers to call them) was clearly causing great distress – we were inserted and got off to a great start.
- Mickey Wray (who, worryingly, refuses to wear a cap even when the sun is out) and his foil ‘Claude’ Eustace were in commanding form putting on about 80 in very short order. The Mouse was his usual elegant self whilst Claude birdied a beauty into the car-park.
- The entertainment became so exciting that Charlie invaded the pitch and held up play for at least 5 minutes whilst about 8 players and his embarrassed owner tried to re-capture him.
- Unhappily, just as the middle order were removing their pads, the wickets began to fall and thigh pads had to be hastily re-strapped into position. First, Wray’s pre-war bat (‘his matchstick’, as he calls it) hit all round a straight ball from a new bowler and departed for 43. In the way of the things, the other opener quickly followed, Eustace being caught in the next over when he discovered that the car-park had mysteriously and treacherously receded about ten yards, enabling him to be well-caught on the boundary (28).
- Nevertheless, at drinks, we were 104-2 and well-set. The war would be over by Christmas.
- But how wrong we were! A whole succession of well-coached and hugely-talented athletes then came and, sadly, went. Thirkell drove about 3 minutes too early and was caught at mid-off (16). After a few overs, Joe Wilson (6) lost his battle with the bowlers and his head - and was bowled. His curious roaring noise as he re-entered the pavilion caused two small children to cry and has attracted the attention of the duty Social Services team. Mike Crawshaw (17) magnificently struck the ball into the village but, with 10 overs to go, was deceived by the Sharovian dibbly-dobbler when trying to repeat the feat. Stanners (2 – yes 2!) contrived to kick another of the d-d’s balls onto his stumps from about 4 yards to leg. Mike (and many others) had much to say afterwards about the baffling degree of ‘drift’ that the dobbler was achieving. Clearly, we must expect him to be playing for Yorkshire soon….or possibly not.
- Things then improved somewhat, with our esteemed leader (29) in good form – despite again missing his pre-match shave. He, Muzza (23*) and Cooky (23*) all hit hard and true - leaving BLCC on 209-7 after 45 overs.
- This was a respectable but by no means unsurmountable score – especially as the Sharow captain was known to be in top form with the bat.
- However, they got off to recklessly-bad start. Batting as if in a 20-20 match against an under-7’s side, the north-Riponers threw their bats from the start at an accurate attack launched by Rob Murray and Ali Wilson.
- The result was disastrous. Both openers quickly departed after failing with huge shots. Their successors also failed to see the need to get their heads down. Their skipper came in and watched as more wickets fell at the other end to Wilson Murray and Blaken. Catches were held and Joe Wilson’s quick re-action to an ill-judged single sent back the only other player who was trying to bat sensibly.
- Wickets continued to fall faster than house prices and, with seven down for about 90, Joe’s highly-original remark that they were ‘dropping like flies’ seemed cruel but fair. Confidence was high and the sledging (or ‘banter’ as we prefer to call it) intensified.
- At this point, as the sledging was crushed by the umpire and the resulting near-silence emasculated the fielders (who were left with nothing else to do but play cricket), the game threatened to turn dramatically. No 9 failed to get out! A stand then developed between him and the captain – who was now in commanding form. Neil tried every trick in the book (ie M Wray with the ball) but it was to no avail. The score kept mounting and the ball just passing over fielders’ heads. As Sharow passed 150 with plenty of overs to play with, the situation was getting desperate. The crowd (now grown to three, even without Charlie – who was now locked up at home in disgrace) was back on the edge of the now-dry seats. The situation was desperate and small whimpering noises could be heard in the outfield as the team began to wonder whether BLCC’s famous ability to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory would once again prevail.
- But it was not to be. At last, Ali’s second spell proved too good for the tiring No 9 who was eventually bowled. The relief! But with their captain well past 50 and still going strong, the situation was still dangerous until Parker’s cunningly-contrived mis-field lured him into a dodgy second-run attempt. Goodbye and God bless!
- The last two hung about for a few overs but it was all over bar the shouting (which, as usual, was mostly coming from JW at extra cover).
- Ali Murray (3-56) and Blake (2-21) both bowled well but the pick of the bowlers was Rob Murray whose spell of 2 for 18 included 5 maidens. Dan Thirkell also bowled a hostile spell without the success either he or his high-performance underwear deserved.
- So we left with a valuable six point victory which leaves us in comfortable mid-table obscurity.
- The End!
Andrew Dallas